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  Title: When did I become so stupid
Jul 14, 2010 - 2:10 am
Posted By: princesspeach

I just spent over an hour reading and rereading some emails that were exchanged between myself and the most important person in my life and realized that I am a complete idiot. I don't know if I never actually read some of these messages because of people looking over my shoulder or what, but had I honestly read every word of them I know that I would have done things much much differently. I feel like such a jerk. I hurt someone I love more than myself and didn't even realize I was doing it. The bad part is that it was out of some weird sense of self preservation (fear of being hurt myself)so I basically ran away. That is where the stupidity factor comes into play. HOW COULD I NOT KNOW??????? I wish I could hop into my car right now and run to him, go to my knees and beg for forgiveness, but here is the real kicker, he still loves me and doesn't want my apology. So no matter how awful I feel I can't just go run to his side and tell him how wrong I was. All that matters to him is that we are going to be together now. I am so happy, but I am so regretful of the time wasted due to my ignorance and lack of insight. So no matter whetever you want it or not... Rasti I am soooo very sorry

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